Thanksgiving Attire

Alright, alright, who is ready to eat? I know I am, but picking the right outfit to look cute in and allows enough room for instant tummy inflation is a difficult choice. I’ve compiled three outfits that I think may suit the needs of three different Thanksgiving scenarios.

The “Evening dinner with family who repeatedly ask when you’re going to get married” Outfit


First, let me say that I wish vests would make a comeback. This gray suit-style vest has been buried in my closet for years. I recently cleaned out my closet but kept this baby thinking, “You’ll be back in style one day.”

There’s nothing I love more than being asked, “When are you going to get married?” and “Are you thinking about having kids?” Back off, Grandma. I can barely afford a Naked 3 palette and you’re asking me about another human being? Wear this dress to show them that you haven’t given up on your looks and you’re trying your best to be social to potentially attract a mate, when really this skater dress conceals the food baby from the four slices of “healthy” pumpkin pie your vegan aunt made.

The “I just came for dessert” Outfit


Why not wear the colors of the food you came to eat: Pumpkin Cheesecake. If no one in your family makes this once a year, you’re missing out. Pumpkin Cheesecake makes the hours spent visiting your boyfriend’s family worth it. It’s so rich and filling that if your mom makes one for Thanksgiving, chances are it will be sitting in the fridge for the next week. Crappy day at work? There’s Pumpkin Cheesecake at home in the fridge waiting for you to inhale it like a gravity pull into a black hole.

The “I’m staying home, don’t judge me” Outfit

Don't care

You’ve achieved what almost every American who doesn’t work on Thanksgiving desires most: you’ve avoided having to visit other houses for Thanksgiving. You’re in town visiting your mom and staying in your old room which means you’re fifteen again and sweat pants are your only friend. Bask in the glory of getting to eat as much as you want and not noticing because the elastic is supporting your happy round belly filled with poultry and carbs. You’ll be spending the rest of the day curled up on the couch under a blanket anyway, falling asleep by 7:00 p.m. like the disgrace of a daughter you are.

Thank you for reading and have a Happy Thanksgiving!



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